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Red Flags: How to Know When You're Dating a Loser, by Gary S. Aumiller, Daniel Goldfarb
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Sure he's gorgeous, funny, and charming--but early in any doomed relationship there are warning signals foretelling the bad news to come. Studies show that most women will try to justify these signs, excusing them so they don't interfere with their fantasy of having met the perfect man. Unfortunately, such signs are usually all too prophetic--they are the essence of what Drs. Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb call "Red Flags." The question then becomes how to detect and respond to a Red Flag before it's too late. This first-of-its-kind book will help readers determine a man's all-important "loser potential" within the first three dates.Each chapter includes a profile of a different loser, a post-date quiz to help you determine if Mr. Right is Mr. Wrong, and important information about the best way to break up with him. Red Flags has all the fun of a magazine quiz combined with the expertise of psychologists who specialize in the techniques used by the police to profile criminals. They know how to spot the rejects--and now you will, too!
- Sales Rank: #139592 in eBooks
- Published on: 1999-09-01
- Released on: 1999-09-01
- Format: Kindle eBook
From Library Journal
Aumiller and Goldfarb have based this book on their experiences as psychologists. They've seen firsthand how women can be led astray by the "Losers" they date or even marry, and their aim is to help women spot dead-end relationships before they get into them too deeply. Because they've treated "Losers" in their practices and because they've done work with the police in establishing profiles of deviant personalities, the authors have been able to differentiate among various classes of "Losers." They've come up with 25 different categories of "Loser," from the Abuser to the Wanderer, and also supply a set of quizzes for each type so that the reader can tell if her blind date really isn't worth pursuing. The cleverly themed chapters are short and easy to read, and the quizzes do seem to be grounded in the forensic psychology that the authors practice. Certainly worth buying for public libraries if there is interest.APamela A. Matthews, Gettysburg Coll. Lib., PA
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From the Back Cover
Learn How to Spot a LOSER Within the First Three Dates...
-- Does he have nicer hair and more jewelry than you -- and just loves the way you love him? Say good-bye to Mr. Ego.
-- Have you been waiting by the phone so long that your friends have sent out a search party? Don't get hung up on The Neglecter.
Sure, he's gorgeous, funny, and charming. But sometimes our fantasy of meeting the perfect man makes us overlook the early warning signs. Doctors Gary S. Aumiller and Daniel A. Goldfarb are uniquely qualified to write this book -- as psychologists who specialize in the techniques used by police to profile criminals, they know better than anyone how to spot the rejects. Now they turn the spotlight on twenty-five male personality types and tell you how to look for the red flags that shout LOSER! You'll learn how to quickly spot a guy who's bad news before you run screaming for a gallon of vanilla fudge swirl and before you invest your love in a man who won't return it.
About the Author
Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D., is the co-author of Red Flags: How to Know When You're Dating a Loser. An international lecturer, he is also the president of the Society of Police and Criminal Psychology and the editor-in-chief of the International Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology.
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
A pretty typical, run-of-the-mill pop psychology book.
By B. C. Leske
This book is somewhat amusing both in that it points out certain truths about the world yet is crudely simplistic and over-exaggerated in its cartoon-like categorizations of men into personality types. It is more observational comedy than it is serious psychological advice. There are some strange leaps of logic or arguments that the authors don't seem to have quite thought completely through.
For example, they warn about "Loners" as a type of "loser", even though loners are essentially harmless to society, their worst sin being that they seem awkward in social gatherings. It never seems to occur to the authors that a woman who tends to be a loner herself (of which there are plenty in this world) might find her ideal mate in such a man. The authors may be more "prescriptive" than "descriptive" in their advice, assuming the role not of impartial observers, but rather as condescending, self-appointed intellectual patriarchs who view women as little girls - delicate, vulnerable, helpless victims that need their protection from all those other nasty men out there, lest they "fall down and get hurt". They more or less list the types of men that bug them for various reasons and tell women to steer clear of them at the first hint of trouble.
The authors' own promotional blurbs on the back cover essentially sum up their own somewhat confused and shallow grasp of what they're trying to say: I quote "You'll learn how to quickly spot a guy who's bad news before you run screaming for a gallon of vanilla fudge swirl..." Essentially, every negative trait a man could possess is magnified into a portrait of a dangerous psychopath, while the negative traits of women (in this case, the demeaning, sexist stereotype that all women impulsively overeat as a way to deal with emotions) is laughed off as just another one of those "girl things" (despite the real and serious danger to a woman with such a habit). A loser, as bad as he is, is probably no worse in his ability to honestly face the world than is a woman who feels justified in drowning her sorrows in sweets.
All in all, the book is an easy read. It's the kind of book that two guys with Ph.D's can churn out cheaply and easily (a "quickie" as they are called in publishing trade circles). Read it with one suspicious eye cast upon the guy you're going to date next, BUT another equally suspicious eye cast upon the psychologist with slick, anecdotal rhetorical skills trying to sell you advice on how to live your life.
More than anything, the book is a testament to the sad, narcissistic state of our society where "personality" has replaced "character" in establishing the integrity of other people.
About the only thing this book will do for most women is make them even more paranoid than they already are about men in general. If a woman is frustrated with all of the losers out there, following the authors' advice and reasoning is probably only going to make everything worse for her. Of course, the authors are quick to make the predictable, perfunctory statements to the effect that there are a lot of decent men out there (though, who or where these guys are is anyone's guess.) But a woman isn't any more likely to find one once she buys the basic premise the authors are throwing at her. It certainly won't give a woman any strategic or competitive advantage in finding a compatible mate if she is constantly preoccupied with the negativism of secretly running every one she meets through the arbitrary loser-test-ringer that she got from a cheap psychobabble book.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Wish I'd had this BEFORE I started dating the loser!
By Kathryn Brown
This is a really easy-to-read book that gives lots of information about different kinds of losers. There's a point system that can help you figure out if your new guy's a loser before you waste too much time!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
yes
By Holly Cooper
i'm beginning to understand now...
there are some things that you deal with and some things that are major character flaws that signal "game over" for that particular person.
i'd recommend this book.
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